The Phases Kids Go Through When Starting Jiu Jitsu: What Parents Need to Know
Starting something new is never easy — not for adults, and especially not for kids. When a child begins their Jiu-Jitsu journey, they enter a process filled with emotions, challenges, breakthroughs, and growth. At Praia BJJ in Costa Mesa, we see the same pattern over and over again, and it’s one of the most beautiful parts of watching kids develop through martial arts.
If you’re a parent with a child just starting Jiu Jitsu — or if your child has recently hit a “rough patch” in training — this article will help you understand exactly what they’re going through, why these phases are normal, and how you, alongside their coaches, can help them grow through every step.
Jiu Jitsu is not just a sport; it’s one of the greatest tools to teach kids discipline, resilience, confidence, and emotional strength. But like any meaningful journey, it’s not always smooth.
Below are the five emotional phases kids experience when starting Jiu Jitsu — and how parents can support them through each one.
1. The Scary Phase: New Environment, New People, New Challenges
For many kids, the first day walking into the academy is full of unknowns:
“I don’t know anyone.”
“I’ve never done this before.”
“What if I’m not good at it?”
This is uncomfortable, and that’s okay.
At Praia BJJ, we see kids enter with wide eyes, holding their parent’s hand tightly, unsure of what to expect. This moment is powerful — it’s the beginning of courage.
Jiu Jitsu teaches kids to do hard things, even when they feel nervous. This first step is often the bravest one.
What parents can do:
Celebrate the effort, not the performance. Even showing up is a victory. Remind them:
“Everyone feels scared on their first day. You’re brave for trying.”
2. The First Excitement Phase: Making Friends & Learning New Movements
Once they get through the initial nerves, something great happens. After a few classes, kids begin to:
recognize their coaches
learn the names of teammates
understand the warm-ups
enjoy games and drills
feel proud when they remember a technique
This is the “honeymoon phase.” Everything feels new, fun, and cool. Kids usually go home excited to show their parents a move or talk nonstop about class.
This is where they start loving Jiu Jitsu.
What parents can do:
Encourage them to talk about their progress, praise their effort, and show interest. Building positive associations early helps later when things get harder.
3. The Frustration Phase: Comparing, Struggling & Wanting to Quit
This is the phase every parent needs to understand deeply.
After a few weeks or months, kids start to experience:
difficulty remembering techniques
losing during sparring
comparing themselves to other kids
feeling “stuck”
not seeing progress as quickly
Suddenly, that excitement fades. They might say:
“I don’t like Jiu Jitsu anymore.”
“I’m not good at it.”
“I want to quit.”
This phase is normal and expected, and it’s actually one of the most important parts of their growth.
Here’s the truth:
Kids don’t want to quit Jiu Jitsu —
they want to quit the feeling of frustration.
Learning something new forces them to face challenges, and it’s the first time many kids learn what it means to struggle and persevere.
What parents can do:
This is the most crucial moment for parent-coach teamwork.
Don’t let the child quit in this stage.
Remind them that everyone who learns something new feels this way.
Explain that progress comes from practice, not perfection.
Tell them: “This is just a phase — and it will pass.”
At Praia BJJ, we are trained to guide them through this period with patience and positivity. The frustration phase is where real character is built.
4. The Breakthrough Phase: Real Progress & Real Confidence
With consistency and encouragement, something amazing happens:
They start improving again.
They begin to:
remember techniques
win small drills
gain confidence
feel proud of themselves
make real friendships
understand the flow of class
This is the moment when Jiu Jitsu starts “making sense.” They start enjoying the challenge instead of fearing it. They feel more comfortable in their uniform, more connected to their teammates, and more proud of what they’ve overcome.
This is their second excitement phase, and it’s usually even stronger than the first one — because now it’s built on real growth, not novelty.
What parents can do:
Celebrate the comeback. Acknowledge how far they’ve come.
Remind them:
“Look what happens when you don’t give up.”
This creates a lifelong association between persistence and achievement.
5. The Long-Term Phase: Building Discipline, Resilience & Purpose
As kids continue training, they start to understand something important:
Jiu Jitsu isn’t just about learning moves — it’s about becoming a stronger person.
They learn:
discipline
patience
respect
humility
teamwork
problem-solving
managing emotions
leadership
courage
These skills go far beyond the mats.
Kids realize that some days they feel excited and motivated, and other days they don’t — yet they show up anyway. This consistency teaches them a lesson they will use in every area of life:
You don’t quit just because something feels hard today.
This is where Jiu Jitsu becomes a lifestyle, not an activity.
Why Kids Go Through These Phases
Every child, whether age 3 or 13, goes through emotional cycles when learning something physically and mentally demanding. Jiu Jitsu exposes them to:
real challenges
controlled adversity
teamwork
loss and victory
responsibility
structure
These ups and downs are part of growing, and being surrounded by a supportive team makes all the difference.
At Praia BJJ, our coaches understand child development, patience, and positive reinforcement. We work alongside parents to help kids thrive through every stage.
The Power of Parent-Coach Partnership
Kids succeed fastest when parents and coaches work together.
Here’s what helps most:
✔ Keep training consistent
Skipping every time the child “doesn’t feel like it” creates a quitting habit.
✔ Communicate with coaches
Let us know what your child is feeling — we’re here to help.
✔ Reinforce the purpose
Remind them WHY they are doing Jiu Jitsu:
for confidence, health, discipline, resilience, friendships.
✔ Avoid comparing them to others
Every child has their own pace.
✔ Praise effort, not outcomes
“What a great job trying!” is more powerful than “You won!”
Together, we guide children to understand that phases are normal — but quitting is not the solution.
The Message Every Parent Should Remember
Kids will say “I don’t like it anymore” at some point. That moment is not a sign to quit — it’s a sign to guide them.
Most of the time, the “I don’t like it” is just frustration, not a true desire to stop. If they push through, their confidence grows stronger than ever.
Jiu-Jitsu teaches one of the most important lessons in life:
You don’t stop when things get hard — you grow through the challenge.
And that is exactly why your child will thank you years from now for encouraging them to keep going.